It is no secret that I have been successfully single and perpetually lonely for a long while now.
Sadly, the time we live in means that pretty much every aspect of our life is played out on the internet. We connect, catch up, make arrangements, and see people all from the comfort of our home – usually under a blanket on the couch looking like turd.
We can tell our mum all how about how people we went to school with are getting on, despite the fact we haven’t physically seen or spoken to them in over a decade; all thanks to the wonders of the internet.
Because of this it is now impossible to meet new people the old fashioned way. I have a couple of friends on facebook who I randomly met on nights out and we’ve become good Facebook friends, but these are people I met years and years ago, before we became even more heavily relient on the internet for ALL social interaction.
If someone you didn’t know tried to talk to you in a pub or a shop the chances are you’d freak out and think they were weird and trying to kidnap you. It’s sad that the old school way of making friends and forming relationships has now become so alien the majority of us perceive it to be sinister and creepy.
For those of us who are entering the realm of being “too old for this shit” and teetering on the edge of accepting the fact you’re going to die alone surrounded by 12 cats and a mountain of pizza boxes, knowing that the only reason the police found your body is because someone noticed you hadn’t posted on Instagram for a fortnight, the outlook is pretty grim.
We are forced into the dark and dingey meat market that is internet dating.
There are endless profiles; people who are blatantly new to this game because they’ve taken the time to write a lovely biography which tells you all about them and what they’re looking for, there are profiles that are blatantly catfish (guys, using pictures of Jensen Ackles doesn’t fool me), and then there are those who have been in this dark circle of Hell for too long and have edited their bio down to just a few short sentences; “yes i have my own teeth. no time wasters. no, i will not send nudes”
Websites like Plenty of Fish are stuffed to the rafters with profiles and as a girl it is beyond unpleasant.
The very first message I ever got, my introduction to the world of online dating, was from some random guy who didn’t even introduce himself or ask how I was, he just went straight in and asked, “do you like anal?”. I should have stopped right there, deleted my account, thrown the laptop out of the window, and just punched myself in the face to save everyone else the hassle.
I’m not tarnishing everyone out there with the same brush, but 96% of people you encounter are complete asshats!
I have stayed away from dating sites for months now, months and months, but recently decided to give it another go because where the fuck else do you find other singletons? All my friends are in relationships and all the friends of friends of friends of friends are also in relationships, or bat for the other team, or are dead.
Staying well away from Plenty of Fish like a shell-shocked soldier screaming, “don’t send me back, I can’t go back! You don’t know, man, you weren’t there!!”, I opted for a much more pleasant app (not Tinder!). So I swiped, and swiped, left it alone for a fortnight, swiped once or twice more, and got no matches.
Finally, one match came along, the first glimmer of hope in a long time! The ice breaker messages went well, but then it happened. There is about a five message buffer between introduction and depravity, he’d turned primal and started with the sexual refrences, oh and let’s not forget him thinking it was ok to send an unsolicited picture of his arse!
So, not only is it frustrating enough to be accused of being a catfish left, right, and centre – I’m sorry, I can’t help how I look!! I also have to contend with immediately being treated like an object and having someone’s bit and bobs presented to me when they were neither requested nor desired.
Guys, why do you consider this to be ok? Do you honestly think that acting like a ferral douchebag who can’t hold a conversation for ten minutes without blurting out perverted drivvel is going to make me (or anyone else) drawn to you? NO! It repels us with a 100% success rate. Please, for your own sake, pack it the fuck in!!
I am sick to the back teeth of numerous things and it is only a matter of time before I scream blue murder in the face of anyone who;
- Tells me how beautiful, amazing, gorgeous, wonderful etc I am and how anybody would count themselves lucky to have me, and should be falling over themselves to do so. – I don’t believe you and you’re making me feel worse every time you say it because there is no evidence supporting your claim.
- Tells me to, “enjoy being single” – go fuck yourself, seriously! I’ve never heard a more painful oxymoron. I’ve been single long enough now and loathed every second.
- Asks if I’m a catfish – do you honestly think I have the time for that shit? What’s the point in catfishing?
- Dishes out ANY form of sexual harrassment. You have no idea how negatively it makes a person feel about themselves. It instantly puts people off and if there was a HR department for life itself they would have a field day with some of the shit I’ve had said to me.
- Tells me I’m “too picky”. No I’m not, is it so fucking shallow of me to want someone who I can actually stand the sight of? Am I that much of a narrow minded bitch for not wanting to be with someone I don’t fancy? Would you go out with someone who you don’t find attractive? No? Aaaah see, so don’t tell me I’m picky because I’m not. It’s not my fault that out of the bottom of the barrel scrapings I’m left to choose from there might only be one or two up for consideration.
I already started asking the question of, “what’s wrong with me” long ago and it’s now only a matter of time before I become bitter and twisted, disillusioned with it all, and start throwing shade at every wedding I go to.
How else am I supposed to feel? Explain to me how I’m not allowed to feel disheartened, lacking in confidence to the point of having gone beyond zero confidence, full of self-hate, and incessently alone, used and objectified.
Dating websties seem to be the only way for us, but it’s an evil we have to learn to endure, and sadly there is no guarantee you won’t die from facepalming just that little bit too hard one day and braining yourself.